Understanding Perfectionism
Table of Contents
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism involves setting exceptionally high standards for yourself and feeling driven to meet them at all costs. While striving for excellence can be positive, perfectionism becomes difficult when it leads to constant self-criticism, fear of mistakes, or a sense that nothing you do is ever quite enough.
Many people with perfectionistic tendencies appear successful and organised, yet may experience significant inner pressure and anxiety. Over time, this constant striving can affect wellbeing, relationships, and confidence.
What Causes Perfectionism?
Perfectionism doesn’t usually come from a single cause. It tends to develop through a combination of early experiences, personality traits, and environmental factors. Understanding where it originates can be an important step towards change.
Early Life Experiences
Growing up in environments where achievement was highly valued or where mistakes were criticised can contribute to perfectionistic thinking. Some people may have learned that love, praise, or safety depended on being successful or well-behaved.
Personality and Thinking Patterns
People who are conscientious, responsible, or highly motivated may be more prone to perfectionism. Over time, these strengths can become rigid rules such as “I must never fail” or “I can’t make mistakes.”
Social and Cultural Influences
In today’s world, where success is often measured by comparison, perfectionistic tendencies can be reinforced by social media, academic pressure, or competitive work environments. These influences can make it harder to recognise what “good enough” looks like.
Symptoms of Perfectionism
Perfectionism can show up in different ways depending on the person. Recognising your particular pattern can help you start making gentle, realistic changes.
Emotional and Cognitive Symptoms
You might notice constant self-evaluation or fear of letting others down. Thoughts such as “I should be doing better” or “I can’t afford to make mistakes” can feel persistent and intrusive. Over time, this can lead to anxiety, frustration, or low mood.
Behavioural Symptoms
Perfectionism can lead to overworking, procrastination, or avoiding tasks that might not be done perfectly. You might find it difficult to delegate, accept compliments, or feel satisfied with achievements once they’re completed.
Interpersonal Symptoms
Relationships can also be affected. You may struggle to share vulnerabilities or feel pressure to appear competent at all times. Sometimes perfectionism leads to withdrawing when things don’t go as planned, creating distance from others.
Treatment for Perfectionism
Perfectionism is highly manageable with the right support. Working with a psychologist can help you understand the underlying beliefs that drive your perfectionistic tendencies and develop more balanced ways of thinking and behaving.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
CBT helps you identify the patterns of thought that reinforce perfectionism, such as all-or-nothing thinking or fear of failure. Together with your therapist, you’ll learn how to set more flexible standards, manage self-criticism, and challenge unhelpful beliefs.
Compassion-Focused and Acceptance-Based Approaches
Therapies that emphasise self-compassion and acceptance can help you relate to yourself with greater understanding and patience. These approaches focus on reducing shame and building a sense of safety in being imperfect.
Schema Therapy
Schema Therapy is a powerful approach for tackling the underlying causes of perfectionism. It goes beyond managing self-criticism to help you identify and heal the early-life origins of beliefs like “I must be perfect to be worthy of love,” allowing for profound and lasting change.
Practical Strategies
Building awareness of perfectionistic habits, experimenting with “good enough” goals, and learning to tolerate uncertainty are all practical steps that can make a meaningful difference. Over time, these strategies help reduce anxiety and promote healthier motivation.
When to Seek Support for Perfectionism
It may be time to reach out for professional help if:
- You feel unable to relax or enjoy achievements
- Fear of mistakes prevents you from starting or finishing tasks
- Self-criticism feels constant or exhausting
- Your relationships are affected by high expectations
- You often feel anxious, frustrated, or emotionally drained
Speaking with a psychologist can help you explore these experiences in a safe, collaborative way and build more balanced approaches to success and self-worth.
Meet our therapists specialising in working with Perfectionism in Hong Kong
Dr. Aurélie Comes
Clinical Psychologist & CBT Therapist
Aurélie is an experienced Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT) who trained and worked in the UK’s National Health Service. In addition to her CBT specialty, she also qualified as an Eye-Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) Practitioner.
Dr. Sharmeen Shroff
Clinical Psychologist
With over 14 years of experience, Dr Shroff has worked in community mental health centres, private psychology clinics, medical clinics and both outpatient and inpatient units in hospitals in Hong Kong, the United Kingdom and the USA.
Dr. Kaili Chen
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Chen has worked in the field of psychology since 2010 in several non-profit organizations and community mental health centers. Before settling in Hong Kong, she has lived in Singapore, Thailand, Malaysia, China, and the United States, and understands firsthand the stresses expats face living abroad and the intricacies of multicultural lifestyles.
Dr. Karen Wai Liem
Clinical Psychologist, Counselling Psychologist, and Aviation Psychologist
Dr. Liem is a Clinical Psychologist, Counselling Psychologist, and Aviation Psychologist based in Hong Kong. She provides psychotherapy for adolescents, adults, and couples facing psychological or relational challenges.
Dr Elaine Ching
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Ching is a UK trained Clinical Psychologist, offering support to adults with difficulties around anxiety, low mood, stress and burnout, self-esteem, childhood or event specific trauma, interpersonal relationships, and life adjustments (e.g. relocation, grief, chronic physical health, third culture kids).
Dr. Melissa Chan
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Chan is a UK trained Clinical Psychologist, who has worked in the field of mental health taking up clinical and research roles in the community and academic settings for ten years. She is experienced in treating people with symptoms of depression and anxiety disorders (e.g. social anxiety, bipolar tendencies etc).
Oliver Ip
Mental Health Counsellor & Psychotherapist
Oliver is a US-trained psychotherapist and Licensed Mental Health Counsellor (LMHC, New York; 014804). He has worked in both community mental health and private practice providing clients of diverse backgrounds with the care, support, and skills they need.
Stephanie Rose
Counselling Trainee
Stephanie is a counsellor who supports clients with recurring life challenges by guiding them to safely explore past experiences and by helping them to connect dots with problems that regularly occur in their daily lives.
Dr. Natalie Loong
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Natalie Loong is a California licensed clinical psychologist with years of experiences working in community mental health, outpatient, residential, and private practice settings in Hong Kong and the United States. As a bilingual psychologist, Dr. Loong provides services in both English and Cantonese and has extensive experiences working with adults, adolescents, and children from diverse culture.
Meet Our Full List Of Counsellors Here!
FAQs About Perfectionism in Hong Kong
Is perfectionism a mental health condition?
Perfectionism itself isn’t a diagnosis, but it can contribute to anxiety, depression, and burnout if it becomes excessive or rigid.
Can therapy help me stop being a perfectionist?
Therapy won’t remove your motivation or high standards, but it can help you relate to them differently – allowing you to be driven without being harsh on yourself.
Is perfectionism common in Hong Kong?
Yes, many people experience perfectionistic tendencies, especially in high-achieving and competitive environments. Support from a psychologist can make it easier to manage these pressures.
Can perfectionism affect work or study?
Yes. Perfectionism can lead to procrastination, overworking, or burnout. With professional guidance, it’s possible to find a healthier balance between ambition and wellbeing.
